Hard

Im finding it hard today! I'm sorry it's been a while since I have written. I've been recovering from my operation. I'm still in pain, that's getting me down. But, it's my Mr P who's getting me down today. He is constantly having a go at me and being nasty. It's really hard to deal with. I know he can't help it. His school say that he's not to get away with it and treat him as I would my own. I do try to but he doesnt know consequences. If I tell him off he just shouts back. If I tell him to go to bed he just runs away from me. He constantly mimics what I say and calls me names. John says I'm taking it too much to heart. But if it's constant why wouldnt I react. I dont know how to deal with him. Then the next minute he loves me loads and wants to be with me. More the opposite at the moment. It's so very difficult, it doesn't help that I'm in pain and fed up with resting! Also, John needs to tell him off more. P only knows black and white, no I betweens. I went mad at him today because he hit Oscar on the nose, telling him off for eating grass. I went a bit over the top but P didn't take a blind bit of notice of me. I feel so bad for losing it. I'm finding it hard to deal with. I feel that I can't give him a future here one minute, then my heart aches just thinking about him leaving us the next! We will have to make a decision in June sometime. John is adamant that we should keep him and when I come up with negatives, John gets agitated with me. I know I could let go more than John could. We've had him here for 10 months now, maybe I'm just going through a bad time. Things might get better. I'm in pain, the house is a mess with all the decorating, we have so much to do! It's all too much at the moment! I'm sorry to be so down. Laine