Monday

So where did the weekend go? Has anyone got it? Give it back!!

I sorted out stuff with Johm, I feels better!

Sara Sara! I will feed your nosieness LOL As much as I can. The little coming to stay with us is 10 year's old, she is coming from another authority. So she is going to be nowhere near her family. She likes pink, she loves girly stuff. Ive bought her a quilt cover and mat etc. already. We have a little 10 year old girl with us this week and she helped me choose it and she's trying it out. I will take a picture of it later and show you! If I know how to get photos onto my puter from my ipad coz Im a bit alien to laptops since Ive been addicted to the ipad lol!! OOOH I might be able to do it from the ipad. Derrrrrr silly me, never thought of that!  Anyway, back to the little girl, her name is Chloe and if all goes well with matching and panel she will be here by the end of August and we will have her until she is 18! yay!!!!! pinkness, purpleness and girly girlyness!! lol xxxxxxx

Sunday

I'm fed up! I'm fed up with being in pain and uncomfortable. I'm fed up with John not caring anymore! He probably does care but he's not showing it. I think he's fed up with me bring ill all the time. I can't help it! We are very distant with each other! I've got butterflies in my tummy all the time. I'm not happy at the mo! :(

Wednesday

Hello everyone.

Was lovely to be welcomed back to blogger yesterday. I felt strange leaving Facebook. It still does feel strange. I keep wanting to check it! Is that addiction? Will I get over it or will I want to go back? I actually want to live without it but everything you look at these days says look at our Facebook page! Can you have a Facebook without any friends I wonder?

I'm writing this on the Blogger App. It's quite cool! I can understand it more! Easier to write in but not so good looking at blogs!

We had a good day to day. We saw the little girl's social workers today. It went really well. We are the only carers that they are considering. If she is placed with us it will be by the end of August. Fingers crossed!

I'm in a bit of a strange mood, I feel all agitated today! I've been in pain and I had a new pain today in my right leg. Now that's not good! I feel like I'm always ill! I'm sure John gets fed up with me! I see the consultant, for the first time since my op, on 25th May! That's about 10/11 weeks! I hope to get answers! All I want is to be pain free!

Oooh my phone is going to run out of battery! Better go!

Facebook de-activation

Hello to all my lovely bloggy peoples. This is going to be my portal to the world again now. I have deactivated my facebook and I hope I never ever go back there. It is very sad as I have a lot of lovely friends on Facebook. A lot of journal friends who I hope will find me here. I did think of re-activating under an alias, but then that wouldnt be me. Not the real me. One of my friends that I have been friends with for over ten years has upset me and other people got involved and it all got very silly. It was the final straw for me. Ive been a bit fed up with it anyway. But that made my decision for me. I will come into my blog as often as I can. I will miss the games, but even they were getting boring. Anyway, enough of Facebook. ooooh this new look blogger is not to my liking. Im not sure how to really use it. Ive got to learn how to put pictures and links on again! Its all new!! Ive been struggling since my operation. Ive been in a lot of pain. Its been so bad that Ive had to take morphine. The morphine does not help at all. All it does is make me feel strange! I had constant pain for three days. Yesterday it subsided, thank heavens! It really was doing my head in. Tonight its threatening to come back again. Im trying my best not to over do it. I see the consultant on 25th May. Hopefully he will be able to advise which exercises Im supposed to be doing. Ive started sewing again, I try not to sit at the sewing machine too long. Im making the owls again. I love making things and sewing. Its so satisfying. Our Mr P has been with us for nearly a year now. Where has that year gone? He really has settled with us. He has been hardwork and he is hardwork but he's really settled. He attacks me a lot with his teenage mocking and answering back. Its always aimed at me for some reason. It gets me down sometimes. He's lovely to everyone else and then turns on me. Its also very hard when he completely ignores me. I get very frustrated. But with the downs are the ups and he can be such great fun. Tomorrow we have social workers coming to see us about a permanent placement, a little 10 year old girl. If all goes well she will be with us for long term and will be with us by the end of August. Fingers crossed it all goes well for us tomorrow. Well I will chat again with you all soon. Love Lainey Laine xxxxxxx

Thursday

Things have got a bit easier with Patrick. He's decided that I'm his best friend again, since I've let him look at Scania lorries on my iPad, of course, we do watch them together and I do have to tell him over and over one hundred and twenty thousand times that that's a s good lorry and thats a scania, I don't mind that at all as that's good Patrick time! We had social workers here today about the possible long term placement of a ten year old girl. Oooooh!!! A girl! The meeting went well, although a little shaky at first as they weren't given the full picture of our situation, bit hard to explain, but anyway it went well in the end and they have asked us for a second meeting. It will be a planned placement. Next time they will bring a video of her telling us what she likes, dislikes etc. Then we have to be put before a panel, then if we pass that we can go and meet her. Then she comes to meet us for an afternoon, then she comes for a day, then weekend, etc. soooo exiting, but nervous too, I case it doesn't work out! Happy Easter weekend everyone!

Thank you all for your comments. They help! I do feel a bit better today. I had a lovely long chat on the phone to Lou Lou last night! Patrick was pleased to see me when I got up. He's in a better mood! He's helping John decorate! Ooooh it's April Fools!! What can I get up to???

Hard

Im finding it hard today! I'm sorry it's been a while since I have written. I've been recovering from my operation. I'm still in pain, that's getting me down. But, it's my Mr P who's getting me down today. He is constantly having a go at me and being nasty. It's really hard to deal with. I know he can't help it. His school say that he's not to get away with it and treat him as I would my own. I do try to but he doesnt know consequences. If I tell him off he just shouts back. If I tell him to go to bed he just runs away from me. He constantly mimics what I say and calls me names. John says I'm taking it too much to heart. But if it's constant why wouldnt I react. I dont know how to deal with him. Then the next minute he loves me loads and wants to be with me. More the opposite at the moment. It's so very difficult, it doesn't help that I'm in pain and fed up with resting! Also, John needs to tell him off more. P only knows black and white, no I betweens. I went mad at him today because he hit Oscar on the nose, telling him off for eating grass. I went a bit over the top but P didn't take a blind bit of notice of me. I feel so bad for losing it. I'm finding it hard to deal with. I feel that I can't give him a future here one minute, then my heart aches just thinking about him leaving us the next! We will have to make a decision in June sometime. John is adamant that we should keep him and when I come up with negatives, John gets agitated with me. I know I could let go more than John could. We've had him here for 10 months now, maybe I'm just going through a bad time. Things might get better. I'm in pain, the house is a mess with all the decorating, we have so much to do! It's all too much at the moment! I'm sorry to be so down. Laine