Saturday, 31 March 2012

Hard

Im finding it hard today! I'm sorry it's been a while since I have written. I've been recovering from my operation. I'm still in pain, that's getting me down. But, it's my Mr P who's getting me down today. He is constantly having a go at me and being nasty. It's really hard to deal with. I know he can't help it. His school say that he's not to get away with it and treat him as I would my own. I do try to but he doesnt know consequences. If I tell him off he just shouts back. If I tell him to go to bed he just runs away from me. He constantly mimics what I say and calls me names. John says I'm taking it too much to heart. But if it's constant why wouldnt I react. I dont know how to deal with him. Then the next minute he loves me loads and wants to be with me. More the opposite at the moment. It's so very difficult, it doesn't help that I'm in pain and fed up with resting! Also, John needs to tell him off more. P only knows black and white, no I betweens. I went mad at him today because he hit Oscar on the nose, telling him off for eating grass. I went a bit over the top but P didn't take a blind bit of notice of me. I feel so bad for losing it. I'm finding it hard to deal with. I feel that I can't give him a future here one minute, then my heart aches just thinking about him leaving us the next! We will have to make a decision in June sometime. John is adamant that we should keep him and when I come up with negatives, John gets agitated with me. I know I could let go more than John could. We've had him here for 10 months now, maybe I'm just going through a bad time. Things might get better. I'm in pain, the house is a mess with all the decorating, we have so much to do! It's all too much at the moment! I'm sorry to be so down. Laine

5 comments:

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Don't let it all get to you too much. Things will improve once you are recovered. Being in pain is a hard thing to deal with all by itself. Hope you feel much better soon.

blossy said...

Being human is allowed, he has special needs yes but he is still a moody teenager and he needs too learn right from wrong, it's hard when you feel unsupported even if that part is unintentional... you have too remember that what you are doing is exceptional and you have outside factors that are clouding your judgement, give yourself time and space too get life too settle down and then you will be able too make an informed choice that is best for all concerned, huge hugs xxxx

Sara said...

Big hugs to you, lovely.

I can't 'punish' J in any of the usual ways either. It's trial and error really, finding something that works.

J used to get cross with me whenever I was ill... maybe P's actions at the moment are because you are in pain and he doesn't know how to cope with that?

Or, it could be that he is directing all of his frustrations at you, because he trusts you. J has hit me and thrown things at me and screamed at me... never at anyone else. I think, because he trusts me more than he does anyone else.

Whatever the reason, Lainey, you mustn't feel bad for feeling frustrated, or for losing it every once in a while. I think that must go with the territory! I've thrown my fair share of paddy's over the years too ;o)

You are doing a wonderful job with P.

x

Maria said...

Glad you posted, Lainey. Nice to hear from you. You are doing such a blessed thing being a Foster Parent. Especially with a teenager. Sending you Positive thoughts and wishing you only good things. Smiles, Maria

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