Tuesday

Today I didn't get up early and I didn't have a shower and I was slow, but I had alot of pain last night. My pain has come back! With a vengeance. Just when I think I'm getting better!

I managed to get up about 10.30. John is so good, he doesn't mind and he takes the boys to school/college. Tomorrow though he is not here so Ive got to do it. So it means getting up at 6.50 and doing the school run.

Sam didn't have to be at college til 1.00pm today so John suggested we took him and went into town for a coffee. I had to be ready by 12.30. I just about made it! I nearly didn't wash my hair but I made myself, oh I felt so much better for doing that. Even though I just had a wash instead of a shower at least my hair was nice!

I feel alot calmer though. Like as if I'm at peace with myself. There is no pressure though, no work, the boys are being good and John seems to be understanding. I wonder if that's just the tablets starting to work or that everything is a bit better. John is low though, and that makes me feel anxious. He is worried about work. He isn't getting any orders in and his boss keeps moaning at him. He really doesn't like his job. I feel helpless. I hate seeing him so low. But, then he snaps out of it as quick as he gets into it. When I'm low I'm low for like forever!

The social worker came at 6.00. Her name is Nikki. She was really nice. She commented on how polite the boys were and that usually teenagers weren't so polite. I did say to her that that is how they are all the time, they weren't putting it on. It made me feel proud of them. I am proud of them, despite what they've been up to lately. Actually, they are showing me a lot of love lately, I'm getting loads of cuddles off of both of them which is really nice. She nearly fell of her chair with disbelief when Sam gave me a cuddle before he went out. She said her teenage boys don't come near her!

She asked us about our background, both John and I. We are so different. I mean dare I say about classes but this is the only way to describe it. John brought up middle class in a nice house, his Dad had a well paid job as a manager in a superstore (Co-op) and his mum stayed at home and never had to work and John went to a Grammar school. Whereas, me brought up in a council house, my mum and dad both had to work, in a factory, we didn't have much really and I went to a comprehensive school that really should have been closed down it was so appalling, in fact I'm sure it has given me and my brother nightmares for life! So both come from different backgrounds but that's what makes us interesting to each other! John's life though is so straight forward and mine is so complicated. He has no skeletons, I have many! I'm sure I'll tell her about those in time. I think John has led a rather sheltered life though and I'm not sure he realises how challenging some of these children will be. Still, that is what Nikki is coming to see us for to alert us of what these children could be like and the problems they will bring.

She was with us for two hours and she is coming back next Tuesday at 6! She will visit us about 6-8 times. Apparently she has been asked to get us to panel by the end of February. All the time I was thinking I hope its quick so I don't have to go back to work.

But, I must tell you all, I have tidied my bedroom up and oh does it make me feel better! My room was a shambles, everything was everywhere, but I just didn't care. I'm glad I did it! Another job done!