Teenager

My baby is now 13 - his 13th birthday today on St. Andrews day - so happy birthday Joe and happy St. Andrews day!

I was just reading Sara Sara's entry and she mentions about clothes and how she likes scruffy. I likes scruffy and comfortable too! On Saturday I had my bosses leaving do and I was thinking I've got to find an outfit. John and I went round all the shops. Nothing took my eye! Nothing! But these days it never does! I think that I just cant be bothered! Is that bad? I hate the shops - they aim so much at the younger generations I think. I dont really know where I fit fashion wise - 43 I dont think of as being old but I also dont think I can get away with wearing some of the fashions either. Anyway, I ended up not buying anything and pulled out my lovely sloppy black dress that was comfy and wore it with lovely shiny tights and my boots! John said I looked lovely. I did buy a new coat though!! Has taken me weeks and weeks to find a coat I liked! So I was happy with that. I will add some pictures of the party in the week!

Here is my Joe celebrating his birthday with his two best friends! My Joe is the one in the middle if you didnt know! Happy birthday my baby!!

Hello at 4am

Guess what? I'm awake in the middle of the night again. That makes a change doesn't it!

I had a bad night last night, and the night before, and the night before that! It's becoming a habit now! I really need a whole night's sleep. I think now I'm actually getting to the stage where I'm worrying about it so much I don't relax enough to sleep at night. Least I havent got to work tomorrow.

I worked everday this week, so you'd think I'd be tired as I'm not used to working everyday. Yesterday, I went into work and my boss, Chris, says you are in the office. I was mortified as I hadn't prettied myself up in my office uniform and done my hair and make-up. I was in my cleaning uniform. Still it was better than cleaning and I get paid more! But, I hated going into reception not looking the part! You see I have two uniforms, one is a lovely suit, all very smart and I wear a lovely pink top with it. Then, I have my cleaning uniform which is a green t.shirt, green sweatshirt and black combat trouser, which have bleach all down them! Oh well, my boss said I looked lovely to him! He is always telling me I'm his favourite, kinda creepy! Makes me want to vomit! It does! I don't like him, he looks like the guys from 118, 118, we call him Borat or 118. But he tries his best I suppose. I reckon I could do his job better than him! Oh well.

Tonight we have the leaving party for my boss Chris and Terry. They are the current housekeeper and caretaker at Crowhurst. They are my cleaning bosses. Such lovely, lovely couple. I will miss them so so much. We have the do at Crowhurst tonight. Everyone will be there. They have been at Crowhurst since 1998. Ive worked with them for 6 years. Chris has been so good to me. She got me in the office and gives me lots of hours. Our new housekeeper and caretaker have arrived and Chris and Terry are now moved off the park into their new flat. But, they don't finish til the 20th. They are showing the new couple the ropes first. It won't be the same without them. But, we have to give the new couple a chance. They come with not a good reputation. Let's hope it won't change work too much. We all love our little cleaning job. At least my boss is not changing in the office. Im quite lucky I work in two departments.

We have little Poppy with us this weekend. I really luvs little Poppy. She is a beautiful, kind, very intelligent dog. She has been no bother whatsoever. Oscar does not mind her being here one bit. He is just ignoring her. She keeps trying to kiss him and he just moves his head away defiantly. Its a shame the weather is so atrocious. I have to let them out into the garden separately or there would be a mud bath! I'm lookng forward to taking them out later today. I'm wondering if they will be alright left together when we go out or I do have the option to take Pops back to her house while we are out. Still if I had had her as my own I would have had to have left her with Oscar. Awwwwwwww she is just the cutest. She got up with me and keeping me company. Oscar never gets up when I cant sleep. Nothing wakes him up in the middle of the night. Also I cant believe how big Oscar is. Poppy is quite a small dog really, makes Oscar look huge!

Anyway, hope you are all ok, sorry Ive not been reading much lately. I will try visit this weekend.

Laine xxx

Hello

Hello everybody. I got awarded the Real People Award again by Connie, thank you Connie. How lovely that people think of me! I find that really touching. Please go visit Connie sometime - she makes lovely, gorgeous tags. Such a lovely lady.

I have at last got my lovely pink leather bound Bible. I haven't started it yet. I suppose I just start from the beginning.

I worked hard at work today. Lots of cleaning. So much that my hands are red raw and very sore they are! I have to do loads more tomorrow - but Im not complaining, least I've got some work.

I played with my new little pal called Bubbly on Pet Society on Facebook last night. I visited Sara Sara's house and Mr Brains house. It was fabby fun and I likes it coz its simple! I have been trying WOW as Mr Stuart kindly sent it to me. But, I'm useless at it, I can't even make my person walk properly! I might give it another try later. It's quite scary too!

I'm still not sure whether to say anything to my so-called friend or not. She really does not have a clue that she has upset me. So I wonder if it is best just to leave it and be very evasive from now on. All my friends say I should have said something. Thing is I just can't be nasty. Other people take me for granted and talk to me how they like. I can never ever do that to other people. May be I'm too nice for me own good.

My baby will be 13 on Sunday! He is going to be a teenager! Yikes!! Awww that means all our kids are teenagers, apart from Emma, she is now 20! Awwww why do they grow up so quick?

I have decided definately that if the PGCE (Post-graduate Cert of Education) does go ahead in Hastings then I will be doing it. The only downside is that I won't be able to get my puppy then. Awwwww - but if I'm studying full-time, then go on to be a teacher, I won't have time for a puppy. Least with Oscar he is already settled and if John goes out for the whole day my friend will have him. OOOOOH Teacher or Dog? Teacher or Dog???

Laine xxxxx

Sam - Is he ok, does anyone know?

Hi, does anyone know if Sam from Docklines is ok? I know he had a mild heart attack. Has anyone heard how he is doing? Laine xxxx

Sad

I'm not posting today other than to express my sadness for our dear Pam (On Ya' Ma) who, at the weekend lost her dear little Grandson. My heart goes out to her and her family. Please visit her if you can and let her know we are all thinking of her and her family at this very sad time.

Laine xx

Sunday evening

Hello everyone, I hope you all had a lovely weekend. I will try get round to all your journals this evening. I've just woke up after a lovely kip on the settee with my favourite blankie! I felt like a little child all cozy and curled up in front of the tv. We had been out all day and when we got back I just felt so tired, I wanted to crash so I did! I dont normally sleep during the day. Was a lovely sleep it was.

Today we went over to Eastbourne to find the boys a winter coat each. I could not believe how difficult it was to buy coats for teenagers. The childrens section in nearly every shop we went to finish at age 12 then you go to the adult section and they are too big. Where are the teenage clothes???? ARRRRRGGGH it drove me mad - we tried so many shops. In the end Sam said he would carry on wearing the coat he has - I was a bit sad about that as it is getting scruffy now! But he insisted and I could understand him being fed up. We found one for Joe in the end in JJB Sports! Its a really nice coat - I just hope he wears it. Teenagers dont like wearing coats! But it is going to be very cold!

Then we went to Bonners the music store. Its a beautiful store. Full of every musical instrument you could dream of. Sam wants a Bass guitar for Christmas and he still had money left over from his birthday in September. Joe also wanted a new electric guitar and seeing as its his birthday next week and will be getting lots of money we bought him one. Sam got his Bass Guitar and an amp. They are beautiful guitars. I have two very happy boys now! They both owe John loads of money now but they dont mind as they would rather have them now than wait.

We went to Joe's guitar school yesterday. It was brilliant to see the Grade 6 students playing. Joe is grade 3 at the moment but feels it is too hard and might go down to grade 2 in January. He did jump in at Grade 3 and it was a bit much as he has a lot of theory to learn. I was very surprised to see a friend of mine there who I went to college with and it turns out that his brother runs the guitar school. What small world!! Its a fantastic guitar school. Joe loves his lessons there. I really wish I could afford for Sam to go too. Joe has been playing for 7 years and I can't stop his lessons now but I also cant afford to pay out for both of them. Im so lucky that Sam understands. I have to pay out £240 for every ten lessons Joe has. I have asked Sam to ask his Dad to pay for him. His Dad was supposed to be helping me with Joe's. Im not stopping Joe's even if I have to scrape the money together as I know he has a talent and I want him to do well.

Im at work tomorrow. All of a sudden I dont have much work anymore. Its hard not having much work. I feel bad not bringing any money in. Specially at this time of year. But then everyone is in the same boat at the moment! Anyway, I've decided to find out about the PGCE definately as it is now in Hastings. I will phone up tomorrow. I will!

Oh, Stuart Im not sure I like WOW its scary! Im absolutely rubbish at it - I cant even get my person to walk properly!!! hee hee. Ive died so many times!!! Oh, and my bible hasnt arrived yet either - I emailed the company to see where it has got to!

Laine xx

Too funny

I shouldnt be laughing but I cant help it. John is doing the bathroom and he is trying to fix the sink to the wall and its not working. He is going mad! Like really mad. Isnt it funny when you watch someone getting cross and all you can do is laugh. Awwwww poor thing - it must be really frustrating but I really cant help laughing - it is so funny to see him ranting and raving and getting so stressed over a little tiny bolt. I've now come away - Im hiding incase he gets cross with me for laughing. tee hee.

I just love all your comments about my friend Shelley. I went for coffee this morning with my lovely friend Sue. When I told her, she couldnt believe it. My Sue would never ever be like that to me - she is lovely is Sue. When one friend is shallow and funny like Shelley it makes you appreciate the friends that are lovely and nice. I had a lovely time chatting with Sue this morning - we sat in Waterstones for two hours! I am lucky because I do have some very special friends. Why do I bother worrying about what Shelley thinks of me!

I have made a decision today. I have! Hastings is now lucky enough to have a University and it is going to be running the PGCE. (Post-graduate Certificate of Education). It is a year long course and after it you become a fully qualified teacher. Before it was only in Brighton which wasnt really feasible as its an hour away and would be hard when Ive got the boys, dog, John (lol) etc. Anyway, John thinks I should apply and see what happens. It starts in September. Deep, deep down I still have the yearning to be a teacher. John said that I should apply and then if we cant afford it I can pull out but its best to apply just incase.

hee hee I can still hear John faffing upstairs!

Laine xxxxx

Unbelieveable!!!

Well I know I go on about her but she really took the biscuit this time! Shelley!

They were due to come here on Saturday evening for a takeaway and see us, so I thought!

Shelley asked if they could come earlier because then they could show off their new Mercedes slk to us! I said yeah thats fine! Thinking to myself - are they coming to see us or just wanting show off the car.

My Joe's Guitar school then send an invite for us all to go and watch the Grade 6 students perform on Saturday 4-6pm! So I text Shelley to say that we are attending Joe's school concert and that they wouldnt be able to come til six.

The reply from Shelly was: Oh but it will be dark then, can't show off the car, shall we leave it til another Saturday!

Can you believe that! So it downright proves that the only reason they were coming was to show off the bloody car. I text her back and said sorry but Joe comes first.

I really wanted to text her and say - look please dont bother coming if all you want to do is show off your car! Well I didnt did I. I texted saying, what a shame we were looking forward to seeing you. And, I suggested we met at lunchtime instead! I so wanted to say something but I can't, maybe its because Im just too nice.

Anyway, they cant make lunchtime so we will be arranging another day. Whoopeee I cant wait, NOT!!!

Laine xx

It's 5.42am

Well it's 5.42am - I've been up for an hour now. What a horrible time to not sleep. I was laying awake for ages. Tossing and turning. No point staying there. Trouble is I have to get up at seven so no point going back to bed is there? It would be too hard to get up again. Least Im up now and I dont have to do it again! Oh excuse me Im talking a lot of mumbo jumbo!! Hee hee, mumbo jumbo, not heard that for a while!



My back has been bad - I had horrendous pain last night. Hence why I cant sleep. My fidgety leg syndrome dont help either! Least I have nothing to do this morning but take the boys to school. I have Creative Writing at 1.45. So if I am tired at least I can go back to bed after dropping the boys off.



I have just been chatting to Nick on Facebook. Nick is Sam and Joe's cousin from their Dad's side of their family. I have known Nick since he was a tiny little baby boy. Well he was about two when I met him. He was always very close to me. Him and his brother Jason were always with me and my ex-husband. We took them everywhere with us! I used to love picking them up from school. Well Nick is now 28 and Jason is nearly 30! When I divorced my ex I lost touch with alot of his family but Nick has always kept in touch with me. That means alot to me. We were very close. Jason and Nick's mum and dad split up when they were very young and I was there for them both through all of that. Then Jason and Nick's Dad moved down to Devon. Nick and Jason Chose to live with there Dad, so we used to go down there a lot for holidays and we used to go on lots of days out with the boys. At the moment Nick is away traveling, he is in Cambodia now and he is moving on soon - cant remember where he said now! Anyway, he keeps in touch on facebook and we get to see his travels through his photos. Brilliant! He asked me if he was still my baby - awwwwww bless him - he still loves me. I dont hear from Jason anymore, but I am so so glad that Nick keeps in touch. It means alot to me. It seems funny to think that Joe is now 13 and that Nick was 13 when Sam was born!!! yikes!!!! Makes me feel old!



Now its ten to six! I wonder if I should go back to bed for an hour or shall I make a cup of tea. Think I will make a cup of tea - sounds more inviting to me! My bed does not like me at the moment.



Laine xxx

Awarded by Jeannette

Awwwww I had an award from Jeannette. It's the Marie Antoinette Award - This is an award for those that write about real things, not necessarily on every entry, but those who share information about themselves or where they live, what is happening in their area or in the world.





I am very very honoured to receive this, thank you very much Jeannette. Jeannette's Jottings (2).





I thought long and hard who I was going to give the award to. The rules are that you choose seven or less. Well to be honest every single person I visit deserve the award. So, I'm nominating all of you! I know its breaking the rules but I just can't choose - you all deserve it, each and every one of you write such lovely journals and you all work so hard on them. Yes, thats YOU, YOU who are reading my journal now. YOU are the winner!

Anyway, Jeannette has just told me that the whole point of this really is to let others know about other blogs. So I am putting two of my special people down. I still think you are all brilliant though ok!!!

Sara

Stuart

Here is your award;



























Laine xxxxx

Hello my dear friends.

Hello to you my dear friends.

Thank you again for the lovely comments.

I told John that I was buying a pretty pink bible. He said that it was good and that he wished he had read it more as he was growing up. Now, I thought he would be funny, so proves how wrong I was then didnt it! I'm excited about it.

I seem to have some funny friends. I've told you all about Shelley with her Mercedes. Well there is Tania who I'm quite close to. She gets paranoid that nobody likes her and that she doesnt have any friends. I tell her off when she says that and say that she wont have any if that's the attitude she carries round with her. Yesterday she phoned me to ask me out for her birthday. I told her I could not afford it as I have no work at the moment. I also do not like going out on a Saturday night without John. Call me old-fashioned, but Saturday nights are for me and John. She got all funny with me and said, well it's a bit different, its my birthday. She said, surely I could scrape some money together for her birthday. Well that just made me not want to go even more. Then when I looked on my calendar I see that Shelley and David are coming over that night anyway. She didnt like that either. Then I feel guilty. Why do I always feel guilty and why do I let these people get to me. It's not that I need them, I've got loads of friends! I think they need me more than I need them.

Now, this morning, my little Joe (Who will be 13 end of this month!) has been stealing money out of mine and John's sweet jar. John and I save coins in it and then we cash them in at Sainsburys cash machine thingy. John noticed this morning that it was looking low. I went into the boys room and asked if either of them knew anything about it. Joe looked sheepish. Sam just looked like Sam! I said, well if no-one owns up then that room is out of use and so is the computer. Then Joe pipes up, I took it for children in need. I told him that it was nice he wanted to give to Children in need but he must ask not just take as that is stealing. Then when I went downstairs to get his lunch box out of his bag guess what I found. Lot's of two pence pieces zipped up in the pocket of his bag. So he is in big trouble at the moment. For lying to me and for stealing. I dont know how to deal with it yet. I'm hurt because I've done a lot for him lately. He has had a lot too. John is going to talk to him tonight. I think I will let him do that. Im so tempted to rant and shout at him but that wont do any good. No matter how much you give him its never enough. I know he has been through a lot my little Joe, his Dad left him for two years, I moved him away from his school and his home to live with John, he has to put up with me loving three more children and a dog! He does get very jealous. But Sam doesnt do things like Joe does. Dont know how Im going to punish him. If anyone finds that manual on kids please let me know!!!

Laine xxxx

Saturday

I didnt think I would be writing over the weekend and here I am!

I just ordered my book for my bible study with Stuart. I gots me a nice pink one! Hope it's the right one! I need this at the moment - I need a comfort and Stuart is helping me. Thank you Stuart. Why do I need it? I don't even know myself! Wierd! Everyone gives me a strange look when I say I'm going to read the bible. But, when I hear my journal friends talking about their love of god and what they read in the bible comforts them, then I want to know why. I want to know more. I'm very interested and its for me. If I tell my friends that I'm buying a bible and learning stuff they turn their noses up and say what? They think I'm going wierd. My Nan, god rest her soul, always told me that God would look after me and I believed her, I still do. She always said that we were all God's children. I miss my Nan so so much. She was the best. I've missed her now for 14 years. Love you my wonderful Nan.

I've decided to delete my Creative Journal. I'm going to delete it because it makes me feel that I've got to write something for it. If I do do any creative writing I can always post it here anyway.

I want to buy a new game. I really need something that will keep me busy but not too complicated but not boring. I really need one I can play on my laptop or one I can play on my DS. Anyone got any suggestions? I've not played on my DS for so long but I'm very reluctant to get rid of it. I am really, really in to my ipod touch at the moment. I just wish I had bought one with 16GB, mine has 8 and I have put some films on it and there is only 2GB left. The films on the ipod touch are fantastic, especially good when you cant sleep at night. I just reach out for it and I have a film to watch without waking John up.

I think I'm addicted to itunes! I just want to buy everything on it. I'm also addicted to Waterstones. Why do I want to buy a new book all the time! I just love new books. The smell of them, the feel of them, the look of them! I have so many that Ihavent read yet. Can't help buying them though! I really want the new Stephen King book! In fact, I would love to own all that he has ever wrote!

My friend texted me, the one with the new Mercedes, she and her husband are coming over to see us on 22nd Nov. Do you know what she said! She said can we arrive early so that I can see her 'Beast' in the daylight! (Her new car she means). She really doesnt have a clue does she! How am I going to show any excitement for her when it really does not mean a thing to me. It will be very hard! I am pleased for her, I just wish she wouldnt keep going on about it. Its boring to be honest! If I sat and enthused about all the books I want to read and the latest one I had bought she would not have one ounce of interest. Fast cars, expensive jewellery, perfume, shoes, clothes are not my thing! Sorry they dont interest me one bit. Ok, if Im going to a wedding or a special occasion. I prefer the simple things in life. If I had enough money to buy a Mercedes I would adopt a child that needs a loving home. I really would.

Laine xxx

Friday and Laine talks back

Thank you to each and everyone of you for your kind, kind thoughts. Some of you asked stuff so Im just gonna answer now.

Missie: I have never heard of Ambian, do I get it over the counter?

Jeannette (travels): I will try the foetal position tonight, that makes sense! Not sure what it was called, they put a huge needle into my spine and then they pumped this stuff in and it was the worst pain ever!! Never did me any good! Yes and I had an awful headache after too. Thank you for your prayers.

Sara Sara: Yeah that’s just it, it baffles my John how I do manage to get round. It doesn’t seem to restrict my movements but I haven’t worked out yet which movements make it worse!

Mort: Im not sure if a tens machine would work or not as the pain is intermittent, it like pulses. The pins and needles aren’t like a pain, are they?

Jeannette: Yeah I think it is the sciatic nerve trapped and I have the feeling that the nerve is so damaged they wouldn’t be able to do anything about it now. I might go back to the doctors but Ive had so many years of being pushed and prodded about with no solutions it puts me off. So do you have a Pogo account?

Antonella: Awwwww you had a bad night too! Yeah we should have had a chat on the phone or a game of something! Hope your back is better today. You have a lovely weekend too.

Stuart: Thank you! And, Im just about to order my Bible from Amazon!

I gave you all a nice colour I hope you like them!

I did struggle to get up this morning. Why is it that I was so comfortable this morning and could have slept for hours more! Not fair! John was a sweetheart, as usual, and took the kids to school for me so I could get ready for work at my leisure. He is lovely to me. He also said that it might be worth me going back to the Doctors. I just hate them prodding me about and then not coming up with anything, they dont seem to listen to me either - for the last 5 years Ive got fed up trying to explain how I feel over and over again to different doctors.

Work was hard going as we were so quiet. I went on Blogger and Facebook but I had to keep being descreet about it. I finished at one and John came and met me for lunch so that was nice.

After meeting John, I went to see my friend Laura who suffers from Bipolar, she has a blog but not written in it much lately as she has got herself a new job. Im really proud of her. Laura if your reading this hunni, I love you and Im proud of you for doing so well in your new job! Here is her link incase you havent visited her yet http://cairns2007.blogspot.com/ . Im trying to encourage her to write more, she is so good at it.

I've not got to work tomorrow. That's good, now I could get used to having Saturdays off! I'm back to work on Monday cleaning the lodges again. I might try and have a tidy up indoors. The house is such a mess with stuff everywhere. Ive still got all my paintings stacked up everywhere and books galore. John is so good, he has never moaned about all my clutter. We have a huge house but nowhere to put it all! What I would like is a desk. Then I could put all my stuff in it and hopefull keep more tidier!

Have a great weekend everyone. I probably wont write again til Monday.

Love Laine xxx

Tired.

You may have to excuse this entry as I really don't know what is going to come out. I'm up in the middle of the night, again, and I'm feeling very low and very very tired.

The reason I feel low is because of my sciatica. I know that I have a lot to be thankful for and i should not feel low but sometimes I can't cope anymore. Sometimes I get fed up because I can't sleep, I get fed up with the constant pins and needles in my foot, the constant pain in my legs, the not being able to walk properly and the restless legs. Sometimes I just want to be able to be comfortable like everyone else. To be able to get into bed and just sleep! I'm fed up getting up and feeling tired EVERY DAY! Then being grouchy with everyone because I'm so tired.

I had a brilliant day. I had my course, for supporting adults in their learning, in the morning. (Im talking about Thursday coz now its Friday). I enjoyed the course because I felt I was learning something and I so enjoy learning. Then in the afternoon I had my work placement for that course. I am to work in the GCSE English class, which I was part of last year. I am to support adults in their learning. I really enjoyed it! This is what I love. Teaching people, supporting people and talking to people. So thats good, I had a good day, but now Im miserable.

I've got work tomorrow, in the office, and I'm sitting here now worrying that I'm going to be just so so tired. I'm sitting here whilst my foot is doing all sorts of things. It's so hard to explain. It's like something is running round it, like a hot silver ball. That scratches all the inside of my foot constantly. And my legs are so restless! And the pain in my thighs is so dull and horrible. I suppose I should go back to the hospital. Last time I went they gave me an awful injection. It was like an epidural and it was the most painful experience I have ever had. I certainly dont want that again. When I was last there the surgeon told me that if he operated on my back, there was only a 60% chance that the pins and needles and the pain would stop. Do I take that risk! A bit invasive for just 60% chance!

I shall now go and play Freecell on Pogo to try and make me tired. I dont even know how to play the stupid game. I will take some tablets and hope that I get sufficiently tired enough to drop off to a deep sleep. Oh deep sleep how I would love to have a whole night of deep sleep.

Laine xx

Wednesday

Hello Friends,

I haven't got alot to say today. Just wanted to say hi and thought I would just post a few pictures for you to enjoy. I found them whilst trying to sort out my photos. They are from when my brother came to stay in the summer. The first one is of my gorgeous nephew Stanley on Hastings seafront in his most favourtie ride ever! Thats what he said! Sam is sitting in with him and that's Chris making the silly face! Then my Sam and my brother Phil and my lovely Dad. Then the last picture is all our boys together. Sam, Stanley, Joe and Chris. Just James not there. I will post some pics of James and Emma soon. James and Emma being John's eldest two.

Laine xxx

Happiness is Poppiness!

Awwwwww Poppy is now my best friend's dog. My best friend is so happy with her. She is now Mia's doggy! Awwwww I looked after her today while Mia went to work as it's only her second day in her new home and Mia and I thought she shouldn't be left too much today. Here are some photos of our new found friend Poppy. Well the photos ended up above the writing! I wanted the writing to be first. Oh well. Anyway, don't you agree Poppy is just a darling! She never had any toys at her old home! Can you believe that. Now she will be so happy and have so many toys and so much love! I got to have a lovely long cuddle with her today.

Tomorrow she meets Oscar! Mia is going to bring Poppy here so as not to confuse Poppy too much about her new home . We felt it wouldnt be right for her for Oscar to suddenly bound into her home and be better for her to have a trip out to me. We hope they get on as I am going to look after Poppy at the end of the month. She is just beautiful!!

Laine xxx

Thank you all so so much

I cant tell you how all your comments have touched me! I had a few tears I must admit. You are all really very lovely friends. True friends. Thank you so so much. You are all so right! I have got lots to be thankful for! I should feel sorry for my friend because she has to have things like that to cheer her up. I am not jealous of her situation, by no means. To be honest if I had enough money to buy two mercs I would not be spending it on them, no way. I'd have a huge house with a big garden and I would have loads of dogs and I would run my own boarding kennels that's what I would do.

This car thing is the last straw really. All through this year I've had to listen to her telling me about her holidays, her beautiful new kitchen with its imported granite that cost £20,000! I think its all beautiful - I love her kitchen and I love her house and I am genuinely pleased for her. She has a ring that cost £3,000!! £3,000 for a ring!! come on!!! That's a holiday for me and my kids, that's four more Oscars!! I don't need money and things to make me happy. I need my family, my friends, my dog and love. You are all right, I am rich.

Money

I have a friend named Shelley and her and her husband have a lot of money. They are rich. They have a beautiful house, they go on beautiful holidays, she has beautiful things. I'm always, always pleased for them and have watched them go from being in a very small house with hardly anything to a lovely big house that is beautifully decorated. It's great that they have done well and I would never ever begrudge anyone of what they have. They don't have children as they feel they are too selfish and love their holidays too much. Shelley also does not have her Mum and Dad around anymore as they died a few years ago. I feel I am luckier than her because I do have 5 beautiful children and I do have my Mum and Dad around still.

But, she has annoyed me today. The other day I spent two hours pouring my heart out to her. She asked me how things were and I told her all about John not being happy in his job and that he was very concerned about the future and whether he would still be in a job in six months time. Also my ex had not been paying maintenance and times were very hard for us financially. We really have to watch what we spend and are trying to get our finances straight incase John does lose his job. Today she tells me that she has bought herself a treat. Fair enough. Anyway the treat is a Mercedes slk. Fair enough if she sent me one picture of it but she has sent me 5! One picture is called Mr and Mrs Merc and has her Mercedes and David's Mercedes side by side! Now am I supposed to be delirously happy for them or what!! Am I being horrible!

Tagged for six things.

I've been tagged by my lovely friend Jane of Rattlebox http://rattlebox-rcfairy.blogspot.com/ she tagged me a little while ago actually but it's taken me a while to think of six things about me. I'm now up in the middle of the night, I can' t sleep! So here we go. You might all hate me after this!

1. I had a lovely childhood, great parents, great brother and a happy life but something happened when I was growing up that shouldn't have - that plays on my mind alot. I have forgiven the person who did it and love him dearly but it did give me a lot of problems that Im now over. Sorry to be so cryptic but I really can't say it out loud.

2. I've had two very close friends in my life turn their backs on me and that hurts. I still think about them alot and still love them. I never ever wanted to hurt them but they think I have done so intentionally. One turned their back on me when I went through my divorce and said how could I do it and then she took sides with my ex. The other friend turned her back on me when I would not write a statement about her ex-husband as she didnt want him to see his girls. He still hasnt seen his girls and I could never ever have been a party to that. He has never ever been violent or abusive to his girls and all he has done is love them dearly. I could not stand by my friend and watch her turn her daughters against their father just for her own selfish reasons.

3. I was married to a man that controlled me and never ever let me be the person I am. I was married for 16 years. The first few years were happy but as time went on I knew I had made a mistake. I was miserable. I had an affair with a married man, worse still he was married to my friend. He blackmailed me to keep me quiet and he controlled my life too. I had a terrible time and wont go into it all now - might do one day. (see you all hate me now - how could I do such a thing.) So during my marraige my life was complicated - I had two affairs and slept around. I was a very bad person then.

4. I gave birth to two beautiful boys and I love them more than anything else in the world. They are my life and I'm so proud of them. If were not for them I would have not got through my marraige and my affairs. They are what kept me going. When I was about to give up on the world it was them that gave me the strength to carry on. When things were really tough and I was having counselling, my marraige at an end, I nearly walked away from them because of my head, but I didnt, I then had the strength to end my marraige and I've never looked back. I now have three beautiful step-children too and I love them very very much. I feel so lucky to have 5 wonderful children and know that they all love me as much as I love them.

5. I am totallly in love and totally happy with my John. He is my saviour, he is the only one that knows me through and through. He loves me, he cares for me, he understands me and he makes me so happy. Most of all he lets me be me! We have our fights and we have our off days but hey, life isnt always perfect. We love being together and we look forward to our future together all the time. I feel like I have been given another chance, a second life. John knows all about my past and what I did and how I felt. He never judged me he listened. He understood and he loves me.

6. I always want to feel loved. I hate it if anyone has a problem with me. I'm a people person. I love meeting people. I make friends easily and Im very trusting. Being very trusting is one of my failings and I don't see any bad in anyone. I never ever judge anybody and I'm a good listener. When I say I care I totally mean it. My life is so happy now that Im scared someone will come and take it all away from me. I treasure every moment.

Laine x

Another weekend.

John and I have the weekend to ourselves again. Really looking forward to it. John has been so stressed lately and tonight he is in a very good mood and even dancing round the room as we speak. (He will probably get on my nerves now!).

Tomorrow we plan to go and see John's daughter Emma for lunch. We will meet her in Maidstone and we are going to go to an Italian restaurant called ZiZi's. I was going to meet her on my own but thought it would be nice for John to see her as well. After all, it is his daughter! I expect I will have a day with her soon so we can catch up on girlie stuff. I hope so.

I've been still talking to John about another dog. I've been looking at Rottweiller puppies and Golden Retriever puppies! Awwww so gorgeous. I wonder what Oscar would prefer. I know John would prefer another Goldie. Anyway, a long way off yet.

Today I had my friend's little girl, Livvy, round to make Christmas Cards with me. We got into a mess and had fun. It was lovely to be with a little one again doing stuff together. She is only 7. It was lovely, reminded me of when I was working at the school, the nice bits.

Did about nuclear fission today in Science I did! Its all rather involved this physics stuff. Not sure I will ever get it all! Some of it is sinking in. We have got the exams in January! Then it will all be over, no more science classes. Quite sad really!

Anyway, have a good weekend all.
Laine xxxx

Today I met Poppy

Today I met Poppy and we had a cuddle. She is lovely just like I thought she would be. Maria is going to have her and picks her up on Monday. I'm so so pleased for Maria and Poppy, also pleased for Jason, Maria's son, who has always wanted a dog of his own. Poppy really took to me, Maria and Jason. At the end of November Maria has to go away and guess what!!! yay I get to have her for a whole weekend!! yay!!! Everyone is happy. xxxx

A decsion about Poppy has been made

Hello everyone.

John and I have talked and talked. We have both decided together not to have Poppy. But....... there is a but! My best friend, Maria, is thinking of having her instead. She has always wanted a dog and she said to me that if I decide not to have Poppy then she would have her. I still really want Poppy but its not the right time. John can't get his head round it - too much going on for him at the moment. He also has his heart set on another Goldie. We would both have to be happy to welcome Poppy into our home and as I knew that Maria would give her a lovely home too I have decided Maria should have her! I will get to still take Poppy out with Oscar and I will also look after Poppy when Maria goes away. That's if Maria decides to have her. Maria and I will go see Serena tomorrow, Serena is Poppy's mummy. Serena is an old friend of Maria and I. I'm happy about this. Will fill you in on what Maria decides.

Love Laine xxx

Thinking of Poppy

Hello everyone, like you all I have fallen in love with that gorgeous looking Poppy. I'm not sure if we will be able to give her a home though. John is worried about money. He also had his heart set on having another Golden Retriever. He also said he wasn't sure if he likes collie type dogs. Well me, being an animal lover, loves every type of dog! It wouldnt matter what dog or animal you put in front of me I would love it. I'm an animal person. I understand animals. I talk to them. John loves Oscar he really does and he would never ever regret getting him. But, he doesnt understand Oscar like I do. I talk to Oscar and I knows that Oscar would love Poppy as a friend. He told me! John hasn't got the same connection with animals as I have. No matter how much John loves Oscar he will never understand him like I do. That's why its so difficult for John to just accept Poppy into our home just like that. I would! I wouldnt even think about it! I would go and get her right now. Poppy and I would sit down, we would talk. We would come to an understanding and we would be alright. Oscar and I came to an understanding when he was just 8 weeks old. So it will be a bit harder for Poppy and I as she is two years old. But, I know that in time, we would bond and she would love me and talk to me just as Oscar does.

I know when Oscar is sad, I know when Oscar is happy, I know when he is ill, I know what he wants. I awake when he awakes, I'm there for him always. I want to do the same for Poppy too.

I just have to wait now for John to decide. We can't have Poppy unless we are both happy about it. She needs a Mummy and a Daddy.

Laine xxx

Poppy

Well this is Poppy - and I'm thinking about her.

oh noooooooooooooooooooo

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww - my friend has to get rid of her dog because she works alot more now and she feels that it is unfair on the dog to be always stuck at home and that she cant give her the time. She is a Collie Cross Springer! She is only two years old. I have just been chatting to her and she said that she is a very loving dog and also a very lazy one! She said she gets on with other dogs but hates cats! LOL Well Oscar, I'm sure, would love a companion. But, there is a big but! John said a little while back that we could not afford another dog! I have never met my friend's dog. Awwwww I want her! My friend wants her to go to a loving home. What would Oscar think? What would John think? My friend said that I could have her for a trial if I wanted. I really, really, really want another dog - but John does not want us to have more responsibilities at the moment. I can understand that! I haven't arranged to go see the dog yet but I have her phone number and all I have to do is ask John. Will let you all know what happens.

Laine xxx

Monday

First of all I want to give a big hug to two very dear bloggy friends - they need hugs right now. Special hugs for you my dear friends. (They know who they are :0) ).

Not got so much work on at the moment - but thats a good thing. I was getting too much work. Now Im just down to Monday, Friday and Saturdays again. Even better I have this coming Saturday off. I cant remember when I had a Saturday off! yay!!! Dont know what Im going to do yet but I will enjoy it!!

I have loads of homework to do for college and just cant get motivated to do any. Both John and I cant be motivated to do anything these days. I suppose its the winter that does it. I just want to do nothing!

I feel tired a lot lately. I can't sleep at night because of my sciatica and I dont sleep during the day. I dont have a nap or anything. I purposefully dont let myself sleep in the day thinking it might help at night. I've gone off my food lately too, I feel really hungry then I get halfway through a meal and then dont want it. And, in the mornings when I clean my teeth I reach! Its horrible!

John is still worried about what to do about his job. Does he stay in the job he is in or does he go back to his old job. Cant remember if I told you or not but his previous employer approached him and asked him to come back. Its all hard to explain but he is very confused and does not know what to do.

Right Im off out with Oscar, Oscar - I hope there are no fireworks!!!

Laine xxxx

Sunday Chill

I got up at 11.30 today! I had a lay in. I was supposed to take Joe to his friend's house early and because Sunday is my only lay-in day, John volunteered to take him for me! Isnt he lovely! When he had dropped Joe off he came back to bed for a cuddle - thats nice! But it means that I stay in bed longer! The weather is not very nice so I dont feel so bad.

My poor doggie hasnt been out for two days! I feel so bad!! The reason he didnt go out yesterday was because there were too many fireworks about and I couldnt take him during the day because I was at work. He does have a nice big garden to run around in but I do hate it when I feel like Im neglecting him. Oscar is absolutely terrified of fireworks. We put the tv on really loud last night so as to muffle the sound. We also completely ignored him and he soon settled down. Sounds mean but I think if we make a fuss of him then it makes him worse.

The electrics went on one side of the kitchen yesterday. On Friday night I thought, oh dam the fridge light isnt working. Then yesterday afternoon Sam went to make a cup of tea and he said, mummy the kettle isnt working! Suddenly I clicked the fridge and freezer had been turned off all night!!! I was worried about the £2,000 worth of growth hormone that is in the fridge! But the fridge seemed still quite cold and the freeezer was still quite frozen. I think its all alright. Anyway we had to get the extension lead and plug them in like that. They are now in the middle of the kitchen. John does not have a clue what is wrong, he tried the fuse but its not that. He has now gone out to see if he can buy some bits to fix it. Sounds like we may have to get an electrician in. More money!!

We went to see the new James Bond film last night! It is pants!! Totally boring and I would not recommend it. I love James Bond but this is not the best! Bring back Roger Moore I say! James Bond used to be cheesy and suave and funny and brilliant!! What happened.

Enjoy your Sunday folks.
Laine xxxx