You may have to excuse this entry as I really don't know what is going to come out. I'm up in the middle of the night, again, and I'm feeling very low and very very tired.
The reason I feel low is because of my sciatica. I know that I have a lot to be thankful for and i should not feel low but sometimes I can't cope anymore. Sometimes I get fed up because I can't sleep, I get fed up with the constant pins and needles in my foot, the constant pain in my legs, the not being able to walk properly and the restless legs. Sometimes I just want to be able to be comfortable like everyone else. To be able to get into bed and just sleep! I'm fed up getting up and feeling tired EVERY DAY! Then being grouchy with everyone because I'm so tired.
I had a brilliant day. I had my course, for supporting adults in their learning, in the morning. (Im talking about Thursday coz now its Friday). I enjoyed the course because I felt I was learning something and I so enjoy learning. Then in the afternoon I had my work placement for that course. I am to work in the GCSE English class, which I was part of last year. I am to support adults in their learning. I really enjoyed it! This is what I love. Teaching people, supporting people and talking to people. So thats good, I had a good day, but now Im miserable.
I've got work tomorrow, in the office, and I'm sitting here now worrying that I'm going to be just so so tired. I'm sitting here whilst my foot is doing all sorts of things. It's so hard to explain. It's like something is running round it, like a hot silver ball. That scratches all the inside of my foot constantly. And my legs are so restless! And the pain in my thighs is so dull and horrible. I suppose I should go back to the hospital. Last time I went they gave me an awful injection. It was like an epidural and it was the most painful experience I have ever had. I certainly dont want that again. When I was last there the surgeon told me that if he operated on my back, there was only a 60% chance that the pins and needles and the pain would stop. Do I take that risk! A bit invasive for just 60% chance!
I shall now go and play Freecell on Pogo to try and make me tired. I dont even know how to play the stupid game. I will take some tablets and hope that I get sufficiently tired enough to drop off to a deep sleep. Oh deep sleep how I would love to have a whole night of deep sleep.