Sunday, 9 November 2008

Tagged for six things.

I've been tagged by my lovely friend Jane of Rattlebox she tagged me a little while ago actually but it's taken me a while to think of six things about me. I'm now up in the middle of the night, I can' t sleep! So here we go. You might all hate me after this!

1. I had a lovely childhood, great parents, great brother and a happy life but something happened when I was growing up that shouldn't have - that plays on my mind alot. I have forgiven the person who did it and love him dearly but it did give me a lot of problems that Im now over. Sorry to be so cryptic but I really can't say it out loud.

2. I've had two very close friends in my life turn their backs on me and that hurts. I still think about them alot and still love them. I never ever wanted to hurt them but they think I have done so intentionally. One turned their back on me when I went through my divorce and said how could I do it and then she took sides with my ex. The other friend turned her back on me when I would not write a statement about her ex-husband as she didnt want him to see his girls. He still hasnt seen his girls and I could never ever have been a party to that. He has never ever been violent or abusive to his girls and all he has done is love them dearly. I could not stand by my friend and watch her turn her daughters against their father just for her own selfish reasons.

3. I was married to a man that controlled me and never ever let me be the person I am. I was married for 16 years. The first few years were happy but as time went on I knew I had made a mistake. I was miserable. I had an affair with a married man, worse still he was married to my friend. He blackmailed me to keep me quiet and he controlled my life too. I had a terrible time and wont go into it all now - might do one day. (see you all hate me now - how could I do such a thing.) So during my marraige my life was complicated - I had two affairs and slept around. I was a very bad person then.

4. I gave birth to two beautiful boys and I love them more than anything else in the world. They are my life and I'm so proud of them. If were not for them I would have not got through my marraige and my affairs. They are what kept me going. When I was about to give up on the world it was them that gave me the strength to carry on. When things were really tough and I was having counselling, my marraige at an end, I nearly walked away from them because of my head, but I didnt, I then had the strength to end my marraige and I've never looked back. I now have three beautiful step-children too and I love them very very much. I feel so lucky to have 5 wonderful children and know that they all love me as much as I love them.

5. I am totallly in love and totally happy with my John. He is my saviour, he is the only one that knows me through and through. He loves me, he cares for me, he understands me and he makes me so happy. Most of all he lets me be me! We have our fights and we have our off days but hey, life isnt always perfect. We love being together and we look forward to our future together all the time. I feel like I have been given another chance, a second life. John knows all about my past and what I did and how I felt. He never judged me he listened. He understood and he loves me.

6. I always want to feel loved. I hate it if anyone has a problem with me. I'm a people person. I love meeting people. I make friends easily and Im very trusting. Being very trusting is one of my failings and I don't see any bad in anyone. I never ever judge anybody and I'm a good listener. When I say I care I totally mean it. My life is so happy now that Im scared someone will come and take it all away from me. I treasure every moment.

Laine x


lunarossa said...

Hi Laine, Thanks for sharing this intimate thought to all of us. It is clear that you went through some tough times, some confused time and you probably still carry the scar of them. But you sound happy now because you are blessed by having your John and your lovely kids with you. Never regret anything. The past is the past, learn from it but enjoy the present and think positeively about the future. Have a wonderful Sunday! Ciao. Antonella

Ally Lifewithally said...

Lainey thank God you have your John ~ I am sure he helped ease the pain of all you have been through ~ Just wanted you to know I am very glad to be your friend ~ Ally x

louise said...

Hi Lainey
So glad you have found peace and happiness with your life now. You can never go back so its best not to dwell on the past(easier said than done!). Have a good day Louise xx

Delores Getmeslippers said...

You are not a bad person Lainey. You may have had a tougher time than some other people but you have survived and found happiness. You are today the person you are because of all your experiences, so don't worry.

Melissa said...

Thank you for sharing that with us. I know that had to be hard. I dont think anyone has a right to judge. Im glad you are happy now. :) To answer your question, I write alot of penpal letters.

Jeannette said...

Laine, we could never hate you! Sounds like you've had some tough times. I know what you mean when you talked of your friend not letting her kids see their father. When Andy divorced his wife she went to court and stopped him seeing his son for her own selfish reasons. His son died three years ago and now his wife has stepped in and stopped Andy seeing his grandchildren. I don't know how anybody could be so wicked so I'm glaad that you didn't get yourself involved in the same situation. I'm glad you have John now to make you happy. I know you're going to have a very happy life with him. Jeannette xx

Indigo said...

Dear sweet friend. I love you all the more for your honesty here. It's never easy to live with whatever lies in our past, you have come so far and found love in the process. Hate you? I find you courageous dear one. (Hugs)Indigo