Tuesday, 16 November 2010

time to rest

10:00am

Doctor's appointment. Was sitting in waiting room feeling very anxious. Two ladies were talking to me. I didnt really hear what they were saying, I nodded and smiled. I didnt want to talk to anyone. I was busy thinking about what the Doctor would say.

The Doctor, Dr Kucher, is so so nice. She welcomes me with a warm smile and asks me to take a seat. She asks how I am and it all comes out. She read my diary. Well scanned it. I wouldnt expect her to read it all it would take hours! Bit like a novel of my thoughts! I told her I was blogging again and she said that was brilliant. She said that I looked much better than last week. She was pleased to see some positives in my diary.

She said she wants me to try techniques for getting to sleep, like reading a book, having a bath, watching a film and relaxing. Now I wasnt about to tell her that for the last ten or so years Ive tried all those things! Even taking tablets havent helped in the past. If my mind is racing, its racing. My mind wont let me watch a film and read a book. My mind wont let me stay in a bath coz I dont like it for too long! I just nodded and smiled. She said that I had to self-certificate myself off work to start with then she will sign me off as need be when I next see her. Im signed off til Tuesday. I see her again on Tuesday and then I will phone work and let them know how I am. Im not ready to go back to work yet.

15:30

I get home from picking my friend's little girl up from school and there is a boquet of flowers at my door. Someone from work had left it there for me. There was a card too. It said that they were all thinking about me and hoped I'd be back soon. Typical that I was out when someone came by. They probably think Im fake! Anyway I emailed them my thanks and said I was up at Tesco picking up my meds. (Which reminds me, I havent picked my packet up yet. One thing I forgot to ask the Doc is when I can up my meds. Last time I upped them after a week.

17:00

Having snooze on sofa. Text message wakes me up. Joe: 'Can you pick me up please'. Why does it always happen when your resting! So up I jump. Get ready and go get Joe. I pick him up from Asda entrance and seeing as I was there I thought I'd get some milk. Well it turns into a bit of an expedition and as the store only opened yesterday there are teething problems and we got caught up in the wrong till with problems! I got very panicky and anxious. I could feel the feeling rising and rising it was horrible. I really dont think Im ready for taking myself shopping yet! That was a bit ambitious!

18:25

John rings. He is stuck in traffic. He is very very tired. I tell him how I feel and he says oh dear that is not right and is a bit cross with me for trying to do too much. Dont blame him really. It seems its a good job I havent gone back to work yet then! John warns me that when he gets in the door he will have to go chill out upstairs for a bit, in other words he wont want me going on and on when he gets in! I think I get the message!

Ive got a questionnaire thing to fill out from the Doctor about being depressed, after looking at it I think I am!

6 comments:

Jane said...

Does your doctor think you're suffering from clinical depression Lainey? Or perhaps you can trace the source to something which has happened in your life?
The first sort of course can be medicated but the 2nd is a matter of time passing and you adjusting to new circumstances.
Whatever the cause is, depression is a horrible illness and you - and your family- have my sympathy.

Stuart said...

It's good to let it out, well done you!
I hope John begins to understand, it can take a while.
Hugs as always and thanks for the email

Ally Lifewithally said...

Lainey I don't think your trip to see the Doctor really helped you ~ you should have told her you had been trying those techniques for years ~ I hope John soon understands what is going on with you and gives you the time you so deserve ~ Ally x

Sara said...

Awful that you're going through this Lainey. Wishing you all the quiet time and rest that you need. Thinking of you hon xxx

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

It is good that you've got some positive things in your life and those are the things that will get you through it all. Try to take those positive thoughts and keep focused on them. Don't dwell on the negative as that will only bring you down. I'm always looking for a Bright Side of things. Take good care and rest!

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Let John decompress, then perhaps have a chat and let him in about.