Thank you

Thank you so so much for all your comments yesterday, I have taken on board everything all of you have said. They all make very good sense. I'm so blessed to have you all in my life. I might not have met you all but you really don't know how much I value all your opinions, I do think of you all very highly. Thank you, I'm sending my love and hugs to every one of you.

I've chatted with Paige's mum on the phone. I was shaking when I called her. But, everything was fine, she is calm now and so is her Dad. They didnt want me to send them the letters, they said just bin them. Of course, we are going to keep them. I said that I was scared of what might happen to Joe, she said not to worry and everything is fine. She said that she will deal with Paige. She also said thank you very much for letting her know. She said that one day may be, when they are older they could be together but for now they are much too young. I agreed. You won't believe the relief that this gave me, I'm still shaking from it now as I type this to you all. When I came off the phone I cried and cried, John held me and said how proud of me he was.

John and I had a big heart to heart this morning. It did us good to talk. We went for coffee in town and John agreed that I should go back to the Doctor tomorrow morning. He said how he had been feeling and I said how I had been feeling. We had lots of cuddles and we are going to work together. We had grown apart this last week and thats not good. (I agree with you Lynn, he has been suffering too and I couldnt see that!) I told John Im going to go on anti-depressants tomorrow and he said that he is worried it will affect the fostering. The fostering wont be for months yet and I know that we will be very good at it. We have got through a very difficult week and the Doctor had told me I needed meds and I got through it without them! Ive been hard on myself, but no more.

I feel more positive about the future. I have talked to Sam in depth, I'm working with him. Both my boys are good boys, we are just going through teenage stages.

John has problems with his 18 year old, James, James is on drugs and drinking and not working and being abusive to his mum. His mum talked to John on Friday and she is going to kick him out after Christmas. We dont blame her, he is nearly 19 and he has had so many chances of work but he turns them down. She has tried hard with him but he just wallows in his room all day, goes out at night, gets drunk and is abusive to her. He never pays her anything for his keep. He doesnt talk to John about it. We dont blame her for wanting to chuck him out.

I feel more positive today, the first thing I will do tomorrow is see the Doctor and tell her everything. I WILL go on them meds!

I finished Professor Layton last night! Now what am I going to do with my time. I'm going to try start reading again this week, even if its a little at a time. I'm going to make sure I take Oscar out every day. John said I should set myself a little task at a time and do them. I will.

Thank you again my lovely people.